Monday, November 19, 2007

Guvn'r Pat's Scenes From a TurdPolisher




At approximately 3pm, Central Standard Time, the following image was snapped and stolen from the craziest and inane internet sports fan message board, TurdPolishers.com.

TurdPolishers is an exact science created by mixing 2 part Drudge Report, 1/4 part Regents University, 1/2 part Bob Jones University, 4 part Green & Gold Kool-Aid, and 1 part Robert B. Sloan, Jr. Grade-A One-Size-Fits-All Diaphragm.

[Eds. note - Good luck finding that last one. Have you seen the size of that family???]

Let's take a look into each of these profound topics of discussion at TurdPolishers.

  • Michael Vick Surrenders - Sometimes it takes a while for us Texans to receive news. See Juneteenth.
  • Perfect Storm - TurdPolishers love to cast famous Baylor folks in their favorite movie roles. In this instance Guy Morriss would play the role of George Clooney, Aaron Bruce would reprise the role made famous by Mark "Marky Mark" Wahlberg, and the $250 million mortgaged by the Baylor Board of Regents would be The Perfect Storm. Quite interesting indeed.
  • I just hope... - Baylor doesn't find out I am a homosexual attempting to free the caged bears on campus and kick me out because I just spent $32k on my freshman tuition/room & board.
  • What is Nutt's church affiliation? - This quite possibly could be the number one question asked in the search process for a head ball coach at Baylor. Second question would be "Do you drink the alcohol?"
  • My list of candidates... - Cos the qualified coaches are banging down the Baylor door. I'm pretty sure it's a list of 3A and 4A high school coaches.
  • Do You Think Mike Is Stupid? - Typical question from a TurdPolisher. Yes, I think he is stupid and has erectile dysfunction as well. Any other questions? Yes? You in the back. I do believe he wears small glasses because he has a large penis. Thus the problem with it erecting. No more questions, please. Peace Out.
  • What About Patterson? - Fatty McPatterson has a great job at TCU. Sorry, broseph.
  • DMN: Saviour Will Not Coach The B - Face it. The B's football program is a lot like Carrot Top...Box Office Poison. Singletary will be wise to stay away.
  • The Truth About... - Anonymous posters know more about football and running a program than the Baylor Athletic Dept. That is probably yet sadly true. (whimper)
  • and finally, Encouraging News From Pat Neff(istopeheles) - BearMeat will never die!!!!!

7 Comments:

  • I have to say that the individuals on BaylorFans.com are the reason I get asked questions like "Is it true there was a guy on campus who would carry a cross everywhere?" and "Why is it that when I say 'Damn' around a Baylor student he asks me my name and address and then passes it on to The Gideons?"
    If more people were like us (normal and laid back), the school would be better off. Because we (me) are F*#$@(! awesome.

    By Blogger The SamHedrin, at 5:02 PM  

  • I used to go to turdpolishers to read the b-sh*t and shake my head in disgust, but then I realized the mother/son entrepreneurs who run the site get $ every time someone hits the page. No more visits from me. Baylor needs to sue to get "baylor" removed from the site. It's ceased to be a positive reflection on our school's name.

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